Last year, I decided to leave New York, where I lived for most of my life. In September I packed up and got on a plane to fly to the area I fell in love with a few years earlier when I visited. This is how I ended up in the flyover Midwest part of the country — South Dakota — and I love it.South Dakota is beautifully different. After six months of living here there are some things I miss about my life back East. But there are also things here that my daughter and I would not have had the privilege to experience had we not moved. I miss living near waterFor all the great things South Dakota offers, large bodies of water are not on that list. There are rivers and lakes here, but they are far less grand. There are no beaches that have un-ending sand for all the castles that a toddler can build. I must travel a substantial distance to reach the banks of any significant body of water, whether it’s the Missouri River or any of the lakes in Minnesota.On the East Coast, you are never far away from a day at the beach or a stroll on a boardwalk — something my daughter and I used to do daily. Every evening, we walked our dog and indulged in the waterfront community along with everything it offers — the scenery, the sandy beaches, the yachts, boat trips, impromptu performers, outdoor cafés, and all the other daily buzz of shoreside living.But we have more access to nature nowNew York City and its surrounding areas are densely populated, leaving little room for nature. What does exist is highly curated and manicured. Many parks enforce a “look but don’t touch” policy for certain areas, while those allowing lawn access are flooded with people. Surrounding counties do not provide much of a solution either, as most of the nature is fenced in by backyards and private lawns. That’s just what you get when you have to accommodate so many people. To truly disconnect and have an opportunity to explore nature, I had to research and prepare for long day trips.Nature here is less curated and more accessible. Parks are protected as wild zones rather than meticulously manicured gardens, fostering a more symbiotic relationship with nature and wildlife. Nature takes up more space and gives more opportunities for roaming and exploring.
We dig for earthworms in the playground mulch. We stumble on turkeys and pheasants when we’re walking our dogs. We play in the muddy banks of brooks and streams. My daughter climbs rocks and scrapes her knees without a second thought, and it’s beautiful. For her, more time spent in nature unlocked new levels of confidence, curiosity, and desire to explore.I miss cultural diversity and its foodNew York is unlike anywhere else when it comes to cultural diversity. Taking advantage of that, every Friday I used to find a new food or experience for my daughter and I to try. It was my way of expanding her horizons. There are some hidden gems in South Dakota as well, but they are nothing compared to what you can find in the New York City area. There are Ethiopian, Indian, Greek, and even Mongolian restaurants here, but they are extremely limited, and sometimes you’re stuck with mediocre versions of vibrant foods from immigrant communities back east. There’s more focus on family here but I miss my friendsNew York is a great playground for adults — there are a lot of unique experiences. For kids — not so much. That’s not to say there aren’t any, but the expectation for a lot of the activities is that you leave your kids behind. This creates challenges as a newly single mom being relegated only to kid-friendly spaces. There is a hunger for adult connections and friendships that are a lot harder to make as a parent.Here, the environment makes it easier. Places are a lot more co-mingled between adult and child-friendly experiences. The area is a lot more family-friendly, and as a result, I can get out and find fulfillment and excitement while still giving my daughter room to be a kid. Places that cater to adults have kid sections, and if they don’t, people are a lot more understanding because it is a lot more likely they are parents themselves. There is a more communal understanding that we are all in this together.That said, I moved to an area where I knew no one, and that comes at the cost of leaving it all behind. To say I miss the community that was built around me is an understatement. These are the same people who saw me and my daughter nearly daily. I wish I could invite them over and chatter over a cup of coffee, but we are a thousand miles away, and that is bittersweet. Making friends as an adult is harder, even more so in a car-centric community. But that has forced me to really step out of my comfort zone and get involved — both for my daughter and me.What we gained: a sustainable cost of livingNew York is expensive. The Midwest is not. For me, as a single parent it is a lot more manageable, and I can spend more on giving my daughter quality experiences and resources. In New York, everything costs a pretty penny, and I needed to be very careful in balancing the budget. There was a lot of window shopping for entertainment that wasn’t always affordable. It would be nice to go to a museum or a toddler class every weekend, but spending $30 and possibly more when you count food and add-on activities quickly overtakes any budget that I had. At the end of the day, I love that I have moved. New York was great and offered me lots of opportunities, but in the era of mom-hood, Midwest fits us better.
